My Telekinetic Fetus Stopped Helping the Lions Win and Decided to be Born Instead
Also, that's a joke. Some people worked really hard to get my region some dignity this year. The baby did arrive, though.
Hello, Friends!
I won a potato. It was much more purple and football-shaped at the time.
I do appreciate the hard work of the people who made the college and professional football teams do so well for my region of the world. I’m also going through a mental health crisis (I think everyone can relate) in which I fixate on really weird ideas that I can’t shake. Usually they’re awful, like having a different way I’m convinced I will suddenly die each day. It’s relatively encouraging to think that my relatives (by both blood and marriage) have a Family Plan version of The Shining (That also includes telekinesis but only the sports channel. Motion smoothing) and somehow we were mentally reaching out to my American kin by way of our regional sports.
It really is a joke, but if we the overly online have learned anything about “It’s just a joke,” it’s never just a joke. It’s a joke that’s a cope, it becomes real, or it’s a cop-out.
I also need to appreciate F.D. Signifier once again for the good job he did explaining what running backs are.
I have a different story from Sunday Night (Monday Morning in this part of the world), that involves some high-risk gambles that didn’t pay off, a pretty good kicker who distressed us all by suddenly kicking inconsistently, some last-minute losses of hard-won gains and ultimately a lot of pain. Fortunately, my whole team had flawless football holds and didn’t fumble anything, and we ended with a win. Mostly a win. The baby was delivered healthy, but is currently in the NICU.
Also, W. Kamau Bell gave me a good reason to not quit substack. I don’t understand how his plan to scare away the n@z1s is going to work, but I like him. One great thing about him is that he seems to have kind of cross-eyes that I do, so I could probably make eye contact with him easily.
He did an impressive cultural feat with his podcast that I find similar to what Jordan Peele did with Get Out. I mean, how many people showed up for a good horror movie by one of the valet guys. It was that, but it also informed many for the first time about the horrors that some people endure just for who they are.
Kamau’s podcast got people to show up to appreciate some good discussion about some Denzel films, and also got a lot of real talk about the lives of men of color. We heard about some scary incidents that happened to Bell and his family.
Also, his friend Kevin was the guy from the Wells-Fargo video who went on to write for Last Week Tonight. Kevin spent two Christmases at this crazy fictional-sounding hotel that asks people what they want for Christmas and then brings it to them. I think Kevin may be the main character from some Christmas Classic that’s not canon in our version of the multiverse. Or he came here through a door in a tree like Jack Skellington. He swears in the video.
Up until the Lions were taken out of the running for the Super Bowl, I was seeing my people from my family, from High School and from College being happy in ways we haven’t been happy in a while. For one thing, sports are not quite politics, so it was possible (though some people are going to be mean even when they don’t have to) to feel a sense of victory without angrily pointing out the injustice of the other team or smugly calling them stupid.
I got to have the stance of, “I’m not proud of my nation’s government or most aspects of the culture. Nobody should really be proud of their nation by default. But I am happy for my specific region and the people I know who have cared about SE Michigan’s sports for decades.” and I was supported. The cool rocker guy from Japan with the popular dive bar was hosting weekly football watch parties.
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