Did I Ever Mention my Acquaintance the Polygamist?
I think I did, but it was so weird I gotta do it again
This wasn’t Utah. This wasn’t one of my host nations that still practices polygamy, at least for the upper class or government officials. This wasn’t one of my host nations that was openly practicing polygamy a hundred years ago and made some cinematically stunning films about it that couldn’t choose between, “Ooh, isn’t this cool?” and “poor us, feel sorry for us, you inferior losers,” as their message. I don’t think any male auteur films get the hang of choosing between those two messages.
To be fair, some auteur films are also stuck on, “power fantasy looks cool, but oh no, consequences, what a shame. No fair.”
I’m back from my shopping-while-hungry rampage. The surprise child is content to not arrive early. At this stage of the construction process, every activity is some form of hungry rampage. I still recall all of the wisdom of my friends who have constructed their own children and the most surprising thing is that some of that wisdom includes observation of guppy fish.
See, what’s especially relatable about the guppy fish is not just that they are the fish that don’t lay eggs. They just unleash dozens of tiny fish into the water and give them a little head start before chasing them down to eat them for that nutritious black poop.
Actually there are two especially relatable things about guppy fish. The first is that the males are beautiful, colorful and thin, whereas the females are chunky and grey, and they get bigger and boxier every time they unleash a litter of little fish, which is every month. I feel especially chunky and grey these days. And my spouse is so skinny and nice to look at.
The other relatable thing is that on the last three days before the little fish arrive, the female fish don’t eat at all. We have albino fish, which is nice because it means they’re see-through.
“I know it’s time to put them in the isolation box when you can see the eyes in the eggs. See these eggs don’t have eyes yet,” Says the skinny and pretty fish expert of the household. He can grab the fish and move them with his bare hand without harming them. He can also feed them and clean the tank without harming them. I seem to kill three of them every time I try to feed them.
So about three times a day, I think about how long I might starve. In proportion to the lifespan of a person compared to the lifespan of a guppy fish, it’s over a month. In terms of percentage of gestation time, it’s still about four weeks. Nevermind. I’m glad I’m not a fish.
Did I tell you about the female fish that are turning into male fish? I’ll do that next time. I was supposed to talk about polygamy.
Here goes…the many logical leaps before I realized what was going on.
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